OCWFED: The Clash 2022 - CARD
OCWFED: Clash 2022 Opener
PHILADELPHIA, PA
The Camera pans to ramp as an old nostalgic tune hits and the duo of Scaggs and Poling head down to the ring!! The packed crowd roars in excitement and begins to chant "OCW" OCW" "OCW"
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Ladies and Gentleman, THIS THE CLASH! |
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Conflict was never this much fun! |
STEEL CAGE MATCH
DEBORAH SOTO vs. JASMIN KAFFEE
We turn to what appears to be a large, dark room. The only things you can make out are a few vague outlines of people standing next to each other.
???: Ladies and gentlemen…..
???: Welcome to……
The room lights up to reveal a large arena, with Drago and Mugen standing in the middle of the ring with their arms out.
Drago and Mugen: THE P3 BONANZA! LIVE FROM THE CLASH!
Except….this isn’t quite The Clash. Drago looks around, scratching his head. Mugen notices Drago’s confusion.
Mugen: What’s wrong old sport?
Drago: Brader, this is not The Clash.
The camera pans out to reveal that there is nobody in attendance, and perhaps the most glaring sin of all…..We’re somehow back in Japan at Red Sun Rising, and somehow this ring still hasn’t been disassembled. Wrex is sitting on the apron facing the ramp, downing another bottle of whiskey.
Wrex: You dumb f***s couldn’t even bother reading the goddamn plane tickets.
Drago: We never got ticket, it was Young Ryan.
Young Ryan appears at the ramp alongside “Fred”, reading from a poster of The Clash.
Young Ryan: Yep, this is the place!
“Fred”: Dude, you got our tickets switched. Why are we in Japan?
The X-Tron lights up to reveal an incensed Empress at her office, her face red with anger.
Emp: Where the hell are you guys??? I have stacks of complaints that need to be shredded!
Mugen: Uh, we somehow winded up back in Japan thanks to Young Ryan.
Young Ryan: If I told you guys about it, y’all wouldn’t believe me. You can thank “Fred” for all of this.
“Fred”: I just gave you the money. Maybe next time you should actually read. It’s just another one of those days….
Emp: Oh for f***’s sake. What am I gonna do now?
Bubba, Mac, and Tosh saunter into Emp’s office and lay on their backs, demanding pets. She obliges.
Emp: Good boys! How the hell do they find their way here and my HR team gets lost?
Suddenly, a ghost from the past appears in the ring. The man who may or may not have cost Nate Ortiz his title match against Drago Cesar at Wrestlution 11; the one known only as Asian Ref.
Asian Ref: ドラゴさん！ムゲンさん！レックスさん？お会いできて嬉しいです！！！
Mugen: Well if it isn’t my favorite asian ref, Asian Ref!
Drago: Oh hi! What he say Mugen?
Mugen: Something about me being the safest kid on the block.
Wrex: He’s lying, he just said hello.
Mugen: No, I’m pretty sure he said I’m the safest being in the galaxy.
Wrex: Aren’t you half Japanese, f***wit? You’d understand what the f*** he actually just said.
Mugen and Wrex get in each other’s faces again, much to the chagrin of Drago.
Drago: We gotta figure out how to get back to The Clash.
Suddenly, a wild Cyber Sensation appears, staring a hole into Young Ryan, who now happens to be holding a hot dog.
Cyber Sensation: I got us a plane ride back to the show mamaos. Also, beep boop the d*** on a stick don’t compute mothaf****.
He slaps the hot dog out of Young Ryan’s hand.
Cyber Sensation: Get that s*** out my face b.
